September 2008


Today… I feel like my hands are empty and my heart is vacuous …… but if I assay to drop a word, I know it will spill over……… Its time for self discovery… not for self amelioration or self improvement…. because without discovering the lost self it would be inconceivable to improve……

I am trying to tune in to the music that my heart ineluctably needs…. but the chords are so wispy and obscure that I cant make out even a single note…. I want to accede in to a trance…. even that is unattainable…..

I am sacking the thoughts right here for the fear that it would bubble over………!!!!

but “today”…………. I wish….


This is my 38th week in my mother’s womb. I am too excited to see the outer world… to experience the first breath….to feel the fresh air….. to see the world around….

Mom is also excited but she is frightened too….a typical delirium… she says that I have started moving tempestuously….. she can feel my hiccups too…. I am practicing breathing and blinking 😉

My organs are fully developed now and the skin has started turning pink. My toenails and fingernails have grown to the tips of toes and fingers and my muscles are getting stronger too… Mom is feeling extremely uncomfortable and clumsier and is hurriedly packing her bags for the week long hospital detainment….

I am getting ready too… preparing to bid adieu to my 38 week old shelter… to become free from the armour…. but suddenly something started perturbing me…. i am going to miss this place…. I am going to miss the warmth of this adorable abode…. I am going to miss the lovely music vibrating inside…..reverberated by mom’s unending love for the unseen piece of her own bod…..

I want to cry out aloud…. begging her to keep me inside…. to bask in the warmth of her womb and to relish the aeonian music……

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we’re really not that different, me and you.”

“And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.”

by Colin Raye

“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”

by Theodore Isaac Rubin

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother;for those were some of the best times of my life.”

“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it’s when he ignores you and you still love him, it’s when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I’m happy for you, when all you really do is cry.”

I felt like in heaven, when you were near me,
your hand over mine and legs across mine….
I took you in my arms and you never said no,
you gave me your lips and I kissed it with love….
I held your hips and pulled you towards me,
I felt your heart beats beating against mine,
I felt the warmth of your breath and
your breast never tried to be free from me….
The taste of your ears became mine,
your hair tangled with my beard and chest….
and it seemed you were counting my heart beats….
It was not long when that moment came,
with a heavenly jerk I was deep inside you……
measuring the unfathomable depth of your juciy inside..
and before I could say I love you,
it was all over and I was resting
on your beautiful self
counting your innumerable sighs……..!!!!!!

I was browsing through some of the e-cards in the net and I bumped upon this one…..It was a colourful card with lots of floral designs. But it was the words that struck a chord somewhere in my mind…. Here it is… just for you……..enjoy!!!!
“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin…..”