August 2008


There is lot to it than you merely see,
may be I am awry the way I foresee..
dwelling in the past I seemed to be done,
but today I opine, it was all fun..

Years have gone by, dallying around,
now its time to amass my ground..
hatful to learn, a lot to acquire,
to draw the advent days more insure..

The story is simple, the story is bare,
it all reckons on how we fare..
enounce a decree, one of our own,
and relish our life, sans fawn..!!!

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I was born in a middle class family. Both my parents were government employees and being the youngest child of the family I grew up as a spoiled brat. I was sent to the best school in the locality though it burnt my dad’s pocket to a great extent. But he was so keen that I get the best education available. Though late, most of my wishes were granted and I was brought up in the best possible way.

My childhood days were mostly spent with my mother and my elder sister. Dad, being an Army Officer, was posted in different regions of this vast country and he used to come home on a one month vacation, once every year. I dont know whether I enjoyed his presence during those visits except for the gifts that he used to bring (once he even gifted me a Nike sports shoe which I used to wear with pride because it was a rare thing in my locality). I was always worried about his yearly visits because I thought it as a threat to my freedom. It was during the early years of my teenage that he retired from service and came home permanently and I presumed it as the end of my independence.

Dad and mom tried to groom me as a responsible and independent individual. I was asked to travel alone to different places so that I will learn from my experiences, solve problems on my own and be successful with out much help. I adhered to their policies till I finished my schooling and left for higher studies.

During my fortnightly visits, I started acting like a guest in my own home. I started to shy away from responsibilities and my interaction with my parents started decreasing. The time at home was spent either watching TV or browsing the net. They complained but I turned a deaf ear to their cries. Later on when I got a job and shifted to cochin, the same scenario continued. I wished to be the way they wanted me to be but I always failed to live up to their expectations.

Now at 26, my mindset has completely undergone a transformation….. I sincerely want to live for them. I want to give them all the happiness in the world. I realize that with out them it would be very hard for me to exist. I am afraid to think about a time when they are no longer there and I am alone……

One day when I woke up, I saw my dad standing inside my room. He was opening my cupboard and keeping something inside. I got annoyed and my first instinct was to shout at him. But I cut short my temper and gently asked him what he was up to. He said that he has kept his insurance papers inside my cupboard and that I may never know when it may come handy. Without much explanation, he walked out of my room and the salty liquid blinded my vision……….

I wish I could start my life all over again….. just to love them to the fullest and to make them happy just the way they fulfilled my life……….!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I met with thorough criticism from my friends, who are regular readers of my blog, that I always limn the darker and dourer side of life….that I always dealt with lost emotions, love, death, pain, bawlings, wounds and so on and so forth….. but I would like to pledge that this was not deliberate….its just the ruminations on the past commingled with downright imagination… and the later forms the bulk part………

Let me try to pen down some positive mentations and some happy musings which will depict me as a cocksure material…..

But I still dont know why…… when I put the pen on paper it always turns out to be my “wounded whisperings”

This is an impressive poem. I liked the lines so much that I thought of sharing it with you……

Angel of my dreams

Krishna Kumar

Once I had a dream, and an angel came through
All I could see, appeared so real, so true
She held my hands and took me around
I was lost, I was bound

I could feel her and so could I touch
She made me feel so good, so could she comfort
Holding hands on the beach
Talking under the moon whole night
Kissing and holding each other tight

Her voice would mesmerize
her words would summarize
the world of love, the horizon of togetherness
and I thought, this world would never capsize

Then there was a jolt and I woke up
I stretched my hands, searched and tried
she was not there and I was alone
gone was the dream and so was she

I could not accept I could not realize
She was gone and so was the dream
I cried and so did I scream
I wanted her, I wanted the dream
But thats not the fate, thats not destiny

For no matter the distance
Or the obstacles for instance
I will always belong to her
For we are meant for each other
not in reality, but at least in our Dreams

Then I think this is not the last time I am sleeping
This is not the last time I am dreaming
I will still sleep, I will still dream
I will still love, I will still gleam
No matter I loose, No matter I gain
I want to sleep & want to dream again

“whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.” ….”And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to acheive it.”

Paulo Coelho

Weekend is here….. I am in a festive mood… time to get back home after an irksome week….

The most important programme during my usual weekend is the Mavelikara* Ravivaar Durbaar. It started as a gathering of friends on a Sunday evening and then got extended to Saturday evenings as well. Now we call it “Durbaar” instead of “Ravivaar Durbaar”. The below passage will give you a detailed explanation about our Durbaar.
“mavelikara Ravivaar durbaar [m-R-d] is a coLLaboration of paLs who’ve grown up together, studied 2gether, Lived 2gether, Loved together & even had their 1st peg ‘n puff together!

Itz a Weekend Fiesta ceLebrated with aLL its vigour & pomp & ecstasy! Friends meet over a bottLe of beer or 2 & share their experiences, sing an oLd nostaLgic song; once sung by/to their loved one, discuss trivias, probLems, movies, Love, marriage, sex, music, profession, dreams, aspirations, family & anything & everything under the sun!

We dedicate this community to aLL those who made our lives miserabLe, who broke our hearts, who turned a deaf ear to our laments & who pLayed with our seLf respects…We wish them aLL success & luck in their future endeavours & let ’em know that even when our life’s a heLL & whatever bad happens durbarians wiLL be together…. 4ever!

Remember… Shit Happens! But the butt cheeks get closer after all that!

Love Live mavelikara Ravivaar durbaar!”

Now, let me introduce you to the members of the durbaar:

The Cast:

Anish Nambothil: My childhood friend born juz ten days after me…. a tall libran and a hard core Mammootty fan (well…in this case he is the odd one out in the durbaar). His favourite food is “karikku” (tender coconut), omlette and idli. Working as Channel Sales Manager for Idea in Kollam District.

Aakaash Nair aka Vishnu: My school mate and a very good friend. He stands out in any crowd bcoz of his long hair and pony tail. A creative being, struggling to make his mark in the film industry. A good writer and a visualizer and we all are looking forward for his success in the unpredictable industry.

Manish Pillai aka Tittu: My nephew (rather a bro) and a new found friend. He was the biggest discovery for me in my family. Born and brought up in Mumbai but settled in Cochin due to “personal” reasons. He is my partner in crime. Working as Operations Manager, ICICI Lombard, Cochin.

Adv. Rajesh Kaimal: My neighbour, elder brother, friend and a supporting hand. An Advocate by profession,but working in Bajaj Alliance, Thiruvananthapuram. He is a joy to be with and his situational comedies invokes comic currents in the Durbaar. His family consists of his wife, Aathira chechi and their naughty twins- Bhadra and Rishi, who are celebrating their first birthday this month.

Jayakrishna aka Jithin: He is Anish’s cousin brother,my neighbour and friend too. He has just finished his graduation and currently doing Cisco networking certifications. Youngest in the group but never short of words. Ready to do anything at the word go. He is the opening pace bowler in our local cricket team.

Anish Krishnan: He is Anish Nambothil’s class mate and a good friend of mine. He is a chatter box and likes to talk about anything and everything under the sky….and he has got the knowledge too. He is working in a software firm in Cochin.

Guest Appearances:

Dr. Kurian Ninan: My schoool mate and a good friend. He is a Doctor by profession and currently in Mangalore doing his PG. He is no longer single… got engaged very recently.

Arvind: My neighbour and team mate in our local cricket team. Currently in Bangalore giving final touches to his MBA.

Vineeth Unnithan: A friend of mine and a pinch hitter in our cricket team. A hard core Lalettan fan and does not miss to watch the first show of any of his movies. Currently in the process of clearing his MBA exams.

Arun aka Jayan aka haskey: A childhood friend and a neighbour too. He is a master of all trades. A hard core computer professional and a kind hearted business man (an extinct species nowadays). Polite and always to the point. A peerless addition to the durbaar.

George Thomas: Mumbai ka daan…… he is my school mate and a good friend. Now in mumbai hopping jobs every now and then. He is a marketing professional in the hotel industry.

Gokul Pillai aka Sankaran: He is Manish’s younger bro and my nephew. Makes yearly visits to Kerala and takes part in the Durbaar. Working in Deutsche bank, Mumbai.

Krishna Kumar Varrier aka Kris aka KK: My colleague and a very good friend. He has been to Durbaar on one of his visits to my home. He is an encyclopedia of Hindi songs and emotes those songs really well. He is working as Asst Manager (HR) in Assyst International, Cochin.

Supporting cast:

Santhosh: An elephant fanatic and the all in all of Kottakkal Arya Vaidya sala, Mavelikara.

Sathish Nambothil aka Kochumon: Anish’s elder brother and a friend of mine. He runs his own paper mart and book store in Mavelikara.

Monayi: He is a chatterbox and adds masala to the topics that he usually takes up. Now in UAE.

Director:

Sandpiper

Associate Directors:

Wills Navy Cut, Gold Flake, Kings

Assistant Directors:

Kurkure, Lays, Idli and scrambbled egg from “swayambhu” thattu kada, opener, lighter and match box

Location:

Terrace of DB building overlooking KSRTC bus stand and the pond ‘”Valiya kulam” that has some historical importance.

Time for me to go……… all you guys are most welcome to the Durbaar…..

Cheers………..!!!!!!

I am marooned in an 80 sq ft room with a cell phone and a galore of books. The contradiction in my statement is intentional…marooned with a cell phone!!!!! But its true. Though the cell phone connects me to the external seasoned world……..there lies no help…no aid at all!!!!! I used to shout my throat out….. I waited for a silver lining…. a slimmer of hope…a heeding ear…a helping hand…. but in vain!!!! Indeed a belie……..!!!!!

The books colligates me to the virtual world… a castle made of dreams…..but so untrue. I am fed up of dreaming….I am sick of believing that these lifeless creatures will evince me how to live a better life…..

I know that on the far side of the door, there is light… there is a Brobdingnagian world waiting to be conquered…… but something is coercing me and drawing me back from opening the door…… an inconspicuous and invisible force called my conscience…… its confining me inside the four walls……… I wish to break the shackles…….. I wish to be free……….. I wish the light to illuminate me……. 

I am waiting for a storm to sweep me by my feet and turn me upside down and make my life a different one….. a complete metamorphosis…..!!!!

Not to be continued………….. THE END!!!!!

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