April 2009


It was General elections today and this was the first time that my precious vote was not cast, ever since I turned 18. Do I miss the black ink mark on the index finger of my left hand? Yes, I guess.

It was a holiday today, but I preferred to work (or rather come to office) eyeing the compensatory off that is to be utilized next week for my cousin’s wedding. I patted myself for not heeding to the innumerous phone calls from the ‘machus’ from my home town. Compensatory off and wedding were my trump cards against them….

Now its 12 midnight and just one more hour to go to hit the bed. Even after a myriad of phone calls and emails, I am left with no results. A bit tired and dispirited I decided to sit back and contemplate on the directions to strike gold. I tried to reassure myself that I am here to work hard and to bring home the bacon. Be smart….. I dictated myself…. but the journey has been so long and clumsy…. so cumbersome. What it emphatically incited in me is the uttermost minifying of self-assurance and self-confidence.

Tomorrow is yet another rosy day…. starting with the same old hopes……might as well end in abjection as always…..

Optimistic pessimism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The scorching sun, the heat

and the biting wind

the charring skin, the pelt

my withering rind.

Pitted with nature’s fury

feeling its utter wrath

Mightier than I could carry

cutting short my deader path.

Larn to exist in this wind

fore the final outcry

assay to gain before the end

is the moral of the story.

living on the edge

I cannot comprehend whatever is happening to me these days. A few months before I would not have imagined that I would get stuck in such complex situations. The emotional side of me is irrepressible and yearning for more……. But whatever it is and whatever is said and done, I enjoyed those moments and would never curtail the effluence. The streaming is gentle but uninterrupted and it is feeding the thirsty banks which were pining for a driblet of water.

My first instinct was to rue over it but now I thank myself because I at least have some pleasant befalling to bite on……and have something to think about and ruminate…. my mind is now surfeited…… and thankful for having such understanding souls around me to hold on to……

girl

Today the sea was so agitated. The waves were rising high and smashing against the shore. Darkness was creeping in steadily and the sunset was sporadically veiled by the dark clouds. The beach was almost empty except for a few sea side vendors who were packing their goods and cursing the weather for marring their business. A couple of kids were busily building sand castles using the wet sand that was watered by the high waves. The Girl was standing at the far end of the beach watching the waves and mulling over the similarity between the both- the agitated sea and her demented mind.

She knew that this was the day. The day when all her dreams will be shattered. She stood there waiting for the Boy to come. He had called her earlier today and asked her to come to this place. He sounded so formal and she read the undercurrents in his words.

They used to meet at this place regularly but this was her first trip to the beach alone. Her mind was disturbed like never before. Her thoughts shifted from the agitated sea to her quondam meetings with the boy. She remembered how she used to lie on his shoulder, holding his hand and listening to all that he had to say. But now she felt so lonely and tried to divert her mind from those thoughts. But she failed miserably…..

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she did not realize the presence of the boy near her. He stood there with out disturbing her and thinking of his mission to meet her. He had come here to meet her for the last time and to bid good bye.

The strong western wind was erratically playing with her hair and the dupatta. He moved closer to her and combed her hair with his hand, lining it to the back of her ear. She was suddenly wakened from her disturbing thoughts and took a step back. There remained an uncomfortable silence in the air. She looked at him with obscured feelings waiting for him to start the conversation. It was a strange feeling since they have not remained silent like this……… not even once….. as far as she could remember. But now…. a word has become precious like an oasis in the desert.

The silence grew with the darkness and it had become unctuously unendurable. But she sincerely wished this to continue because this silence was less painful than parting.

But his mind was engrossed in different thoughts. He wanted to end this excruciating silence. He put his hands on her shoulder and whispered to her “Sorry dear….. Good bye!!!!”. She felt as if she was struck by a bolt and stood there completely shocked and immoveable. Without waiting for a reply he walked past her. She stood there following his trail with her moist eyes. She wished that he will stop and will come running back to her. But he continued to walk…. without thinking of the meaningless words that he uttered. On his way, he deliberately stamped on the sand castle build by the kids, destroying it completely…. exactly the way he ruined her dream castle that was pillared with her love……!!!!!

delicious ambiguity

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next…….. Delicious ambiguity”

Author: Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

Pic Courtesy: http://www.fridgedoor.com